Why? Uh huh, so why?
I recently spent Thanksgiving in Oxnard California at the beach with a very good friend of mine, Jeff and his family. I showed up a day early to help him cook although I wasn’t much help with the cooking. I did, however, keep his dog entertained and made sure the supply of wine never dwindled.
Jeff is a great guy but when he cooks you had better just stay out of the way. It’s better for everyone involved. Well I’m not sure if I was bored or just decided that it was time to test the limits. I let my natural inquisitive self come out. By that I mean that I questioned literally everything he said or did. It was like second nature, I didn’t even have to try. He would be making a stuffing and call it a dressing. I immediately looked at the recipe sheet and saw it called stuffing so I asked why he’s calling it dressing. Those sorts of useless questions. Maybe I’m just starting to feel at home there, I’m not really sure. I did my best to stay out of the kitchen because it was more difficult for me to ask why if I didn’t know what was going on.
The next day I was helping Jeff carry in some Christmas decorations from the garage and we brought down the cardboard box that held the tree. He started to open it and pull the individual pieces out. Without missing a beat I asked why he doesn’t just carry the entire box upstairs? His response was that it was his show and he doesn’t need to explain himself. That got me thinking…
If we don’t question everything we do, from what time we wake up in the morning to why our favorite color is red, then what else are we missing? Jeff didn’t say so, but I suspect the reason he takes everything out of the box is because he doesn’t normally have someone else around to help him carry it upstairs. However, I was there and could have helped him. If Jeff had questioned his actions rather than just doing it the way he was so used to then could he have saved some effort and possibly used his time more effectively? Maybe. The point is that the next time I ask why and it frustrates you, whoever you are, know that I’m simply trying to help.
Growing up I don’t remember my dad getting mad very often. He just never raised his voice. However, I do remember one day with the whole family in the car on a road trip and I was just questioning anything and everything. My dad turned around and told me to just shut up already. For someone who never raised his voice this was a big deal. I think I was shocked into silence.
I will continue to question because I believe it’s the best way to learn. If you don’t want to defend your words, actions or choices that directly involve me then I suggest you keep your distance.
Thanks again to Jeff, Callie, Riley and Julie for a great Thanksgiving!
8 Comments
Your buddy Jeff has my complete sympathy. lol
While I truly do appreciate your consistent, constant, never ending questions on a intellectual level, the fact is that sometimes I just don’t want to work that hard. And sometimes I can simply go about what I’m doing much faster if I’m in auto-mode, not thinking. I suspect that is why your dad asked you to ‘shut up’ that day. (Sure wish I could remember it!)
I hope you never quit asking why, or any of your other questions. Somehow I don’t think that you will. For my part, I’ll try to be more patient with the why’s and ask them myself a bit more often. Who knows how much time I may free up to play in the garden or read a book. Or possibly to call this young man I know and ask a few questions…
hey jeff; questioning the parent figure is what all children do! sounds like you’re fitting right in as big brother to the girls. so, in the words of your father, just shut up already! glad you had a great thanksgiving with daddy jeff and clan and hope the stuffing/dressing/whatever was delish… am sure it was! t
So – - – -Why haven’t you called?
@Sandy – My point is that while you may believe you can get things done faster by going into auto mode, how do you know? Have you actually done the math and exhausted the alternatives? Remember that time I drew a map detailing the most efficient way to enter/exit the car as it was leaving the garage? This is the same thing.
@Tom – Haha, yeah sometimes it’s better to just shut up and roll with it. Hope you had a great Thanksgiving.
@John and Rob – I did call, but it went to voice mail. I’m thinking you’re somewhere tropical and exciting. Maybe Mexico? Hope all is well.
My sympathy to the sweet family who took you in and fed your belly on this holiday. Hopefully they knew you well enough to not take offense to your constant why? why? why? why? I remember that little boy who still has yet to grow out of the “Why” stage in his life. Although it makes good sense to keep questioning yourself as you move along, most of us get going as Sandy said in auto mode and forget this.
Hope your tummy was full and your company was good on Thanksgiving. I love you and miss you.
So I guess it‚Äôs time to respond to this…First off thanks Sandy and Jackie…I truly appreciate the sentiment.
So WHY? is the big question of all this. As I completely agree that without questions in life we wouldn’t be as wise, I have concluded in my 51 years that asking questions at the right time can be much more effective thus more productive.
As a father of two I went through the typical WHY? years…and realized that coming up with truthful and enlightened answers for all those WHY’S was much more of a challenge, thus teaching me a few things along the way. The greater realization was at what time I got hit with the WHY? For instance, If I was at my desk working and forced to stop every other second to answer a WHY? This was most often irritating…but none the less a lesson learned when gathering the patience long enough to answer the question…at least for a 5 year old.
That takes me to the notion of patience. Slaving in the kitchen, cooking a meal I only cook once a year, and yes having to read…re-read…and yet re-read again from a recipe, could constitute not being the best time for a million questions as to WHY? I am doing something the way I am.
For the record LJ…the ANSWER to your WHY?…because the recipe told me to do it that way! … and yes, I think I may have lost my patience a little…at least it wasn’t with a 5 year old???
On to my next thought…creatures of habit. As yeas go by we hopefully learn from the answers to our WHY’S? and experience. I’d like to think we come to forming a habit or pattern in our life after many WHY’S? and trial and error. Thirty years ago I may have tried hauling a huge box containing a 7” Christmas tree up a flight of stairs but through a few WHY’S?, trial and error, and back surgery I learned to open the box in the garage and take each piece one at a time. Not only does that save my back but it also prevents any creepy crawlers that may be clinging to the box from coming into my house.
Although I admit to opening the box in the garage out of habit, I also concluded before the WHY’S? started that I had help this year so, instead of lugging this huge box upstairs with help, I instead gave one of three pieces of the tree to each one of my helpers and thus avoided having to carry anything up the stairs myself, let alone a huge, empty box back down the stairs. MMmmm?…does that qualify as experience learned?
LJ, we all love you and it was great to have your help this year. Yes, aside from your constant questions you were a help with the cooking. I know I monopolized most of the cooking…I like reading recipes and following directions. One word of advice though. I know your love of butter leads you to believe that more butter can fix anything…a second cube of butter will never make good mashed potatoes when the potatoes are not cooked…and just because the water is boiling doesn’t mean the potatoes are done. Next year…and yes you’re invited back…I will give you a recipe…maybe we can learn from following directions and less WHY’S?
Oh and LJ, the difference between Stuffing and Dressing is like the difference between Sofa, Couch and Duvan…it depends on what part of the world you’re from and what you grow up sitting on…or stuffing…or dressing…
I love “WHY’s”! That being said, that’s probably why I’m friends with Jeff. I appreciate his “WHY” questions – even if they may be on “auto-pilot” for him.
Questioning why we do things does indeed help evaluate the productivity, the efficiency in which we do things, or even why we believe the things we believe. However, even after evaluating, decide to remain the same. As was the case with the Christmas tree, moving the box all the way to it’s inside location would certainly have been an easy choice for THIS year, because of the extra “Jeff” help in carrying the box. However, because there was even additional tasks that could be performed by others, involving them and giving them “ownership” of the project, (even if less-productive)the less efficient way was perhaps still the best way.
The other day I was driving from my home to a near by town 30 miles away. Often I take the interstate which is well paved, direct, and allows me to make the trip with great speed. This particular day, I decided to take the “back roads” route to the town. Although the travel time was greater and I used more fuel for the car, I was able to appreciate some new building construction, on the outskirts of the new town, I was able to appreciate some late fall scenery that was beautiful, and the extra, non-hurried route allowed me to ponder and ask “why” to a few things I had wanted to avoid until that drive.
Asking “WHY’s” are important. I’m a person of faith, and Jeff has asked me numerous times, “WHY do I believe this or that?” His questions served not so much for me to “convince” him but to help me articulate and understand what it is about my own religious faith that I truly believe. My expression of the Christian faith – Lutheran, began with the leadership of an ex-communicated Roman Catholic priest, Martin Luther. He wrote a little booklet called, “The Small Catechism”. In this booklet, he sums up the essentials of the Christian faith and subdivides the topics with the question, “WHY?”. “What does this mean?” “What is this?” “WHY?” — Questions that help establish who and what we are.
Jeff, take this as a compliment, but you’d be one hell of a great preacher-teacher-priest because your ability to help question things would challenge others and guide them into a more solid state of being. However, these same people would probably drive you up the wall!!! (They do me!)
Whether it be dressing, stuffing, or “filling” (as I heard this year!), life is good when our bellies are full.
WHY?
Thanks to everyone who weighed in on this one. I guess I'll just have to keep asking why but do my best to stay out of the way from you auto-mode people.