Longs Peak, Epic Failure

By: Jeff Walden

It had been almost two years since I last attempted to climb Longs Peak in the Rocky Mountains. My first attempt left me wanting the summit even more, given that I wasn't able to make it past the top of the boulder field. Last week I made my second, unsuccessful, attempt of that evil mountain. For the record, the photos that I've added to this article are not my own photos. The entire mountain was enveloped in a cloud during my ... Read More »

Home Surgery: There’s Something In My Leg

By: Jeff Walden

It has been done before. Every once and again I'll have a foreign object stuck in my skin and it needs to be removed. In the past this was always removing a piece of surgical steel I had implanted in my bicep. Today, I'm exploring my leg as there seems to be something stuck in there that just won't grow out. If you're squeamish, this would be a good time to stop reading. Tools of the home surgery trade consist of a ... Read More »

Off-Roading the CJ-7

By: Jeff Walden

It's been a while. In the last few months I have managed to close down my office in Los Angeles (and hopefully leave the bulk of that city behind me) while relocating to a quiet little place on a golf course in the desert. While I haven't yet taken up golf, the new place is nearly perfect. This last weekend I decided it was finally time to take the CJ-7 off-road for the first time. I mean, I've had it for ... Read More »

California Bureaucracy vs. LA Beer Drinkers

By: Jeff Walden

On Saturday March 31st, the first annual LA Beerathon was scheduled to take place in downtown Los Angeles. For those of you not already chomping at the bit to participate, it was basically a giant beer festival spanning 26 different local bars. You paid a flat ticket price and earned yourself 26 beers. Not a bad deal. Then the California government decided to stick its ugly head into the matter. According to the California Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control, because the ticket to ... Read More »

Even the British Think We’re Doomed

By: Jeff Walden

Some good friends of mine recently attended CPAC and brought back with them some wonderful experiences. I know, all you lefties are grumbling at the moment about another political article. Take a deep breath. While this circles around politics, it's not the usual one side bashing the other or the ongoing rants about any specific politician. Grab a sandwich and cup of coffee and sit your butt down for 27 minutes to watch this video. I promise you, it's worth it, ... Read More »

Beer Challenge Comes to an End

By: Jeff Walden

It's day seven and I rolled into the BrandCulture office today to catch up with my favorite branding group. About an hour ago, Tasch asked me what this beer challenge was all about. Having been asked the same question many times before, I simply explained that I have switched the entire liquid portion of my diet to beer. No water, no soda, no vodka or whisky; just beer. KP looked up at me and rattled off a dozen potential side-effects ... Read More »

Jeff Walden

Save Lives: Take Away Our Hammers

By: Jeff Walden

The FBI has just released annual data regarding murder statistics, with the latest year available being 2011. Hey, it's government. Nobody said they're working around the clock. With all the commotion about banning military style assault rifles I thought it would be a great time to point out that more people are actually murdered every year by hammers than rifles, including the type used for the latest school shooting. By the mass populace way of thinking, treating the symptoms will inevitably resolve the problem. I mean, prohibition worked so well. That being the case, we should really focus our efforts away from assault rifles and move on to the common carpentry hammer. Had we done that in 2011, then 173 more people would be alive today. That's how many more people were killed in 2011 with a hammer than were shot with a ... Read More »

New Years Resolutions Everyone Should Try

By: Jeff Walden

Happy New Year! Still a little hung over? Yeah, me too. Probably about time to get back into the swing of things which includes those resolutions. [caption id="attachment_1936" align="alignright" width="300"] My doctor says I need more ruffage, which presumably would make me look like this.[/caption] 1. Let's all go on a diet. Not that we all actually need to change up our diet, but what the hell. Everyone loves a little challenge and I'm pretty sure changing diet would be a tough one. Sure, we can't all look like underwear models but a little less Panda Express and a few more celery sticks might not be the end of the world. If you're into citrus, then look no further than The Grapefruit Solution. My personal favorite is The Reverse Diet. If you're feeling frisky, maybe you should give The Sex Diet a try. For those ... Read More »

Big Business Giving Back

By: Jeff Walden

We all remember the presidential election of 2012. Well, that is unless you are part of a native tribe in the most remote parts of Africa. While I never wish to re-hash the differences between candidates and parties, I can't stop thinking about so many of my friends who absolutely despise big business as greedy and a blemish on the reputation of the United States of America. Many of you have made your opinions so very clear in public forums for the entire world to see. Yes, I'm talking about you Tom Weber and David White. Sure there are many, many more but you two seem to come to mind more often than not when the subject of oppressive big business surfaces as a talking point. New Year's is a great time for many occasions. Not that we really need a reason to drink, but it's ... Read More »

Born Deaf

By: Jeff Walden

We all have conversations with ourselves in our own heads. Okay, maybe not full conversations but at least thoughts. Whether you were telling yourself to pick up milk or having a slightly more philosophical talk with yourself, it all happens in your head. I don't know about you, but I generally speak to myself in English, probably because I don't speak enough of any other language to hold a conversation. My point is that we all use our native tongue to talk to ourselves. Don't deny it. [caption id="attachment_1902" align="alignright" width="300"] Dalmatian's are deaf, right?[/caption] So let's take a step back. What happens if you were born deaf? You have no idea what language sounds like. That being the case, how do you talk to yourself? Everyone has internal thoughts, but how do you articulate those thoughts to yourself if you don't ... Read More »

All the Reasons You Should Never Eat 3.09 lbs of Expired Beef for Dinner

By: Jeff Walden

Call me a spend thrift, but I stumbled upon a kick ass sale for new york steaks at the grocery this week, well maybe it was last week, and I just couldn't pass it up. It was the deal of my dreams, fresh beef at fire-sale prices. The only problem is that things got kinda busy and I forgot about the aging steaks in the back of the refrigerator. It's not like they grew legs or made a technicolor rainbow display, but by the time I remembered they were about 48 hours past the recommended "enjoy by" date. Never one to pay much attention to those marketing gimmicks I poured myself a glass of bourbon and fired up the grill. The germs always live on the outside, right? Pretty sure that's what they said in Biology 101. Duh, that's why we all ... Read More »

Leave Big Bird Out of This

By: Jeff Walden

Ever since Romney dominated Obama (completely credible sources say due to Obama's altitude sickness) the liberal left has been going on and on about Big Bird and using the colorful character in all sorts of propaganda. While that's cute and warms the heart of everyone who grew up listening to the obnoxious oversized chicken, I just want to make sure we're all on the same page. He's a fucking make-believe character. I'll admit, some of the propaganda is actually rather clever. I mean, look at poor ol' Big Bird standing in line here. Who doesn't love a little satire. But at the end of the day, if you're willing to put our country further into debt to China so you can rest your head soundly at night knowing that Big Bird is airing on PBS tomorrow, then it's time to get your priorities in ... Read More »

So You Love to Hate Big Business

By: Jeff Walden

We all see it in our social media news feeds: there are folks out there who get their jollies off on hating big business. You know who you are, don't deny it. A quick glance at my feed and here are a few examples just in-case you are completely oblivious to infographics. The name have not been removed because, well, if you're going to post it you should probably own it. David doesn't seem to like that the major media companies have been consolidated over the decades into a few big players. That's completely understandable, given that we also hate things like efficiency, profits and stability. I mean, I would much prefer that the employees of these 1,500 newspapers, 1,100 magazines, 9,000 radio stations, 1,500 TV stations and 2,400 publishers don't have access to affordable healthcare, a stable career or a solid investment for retirement. It ... Read More »